Friday, 17 April 2009

Allah Made me funny !

I watched these guys this morning on GMTV and I laughed until I realised I was crying.
Not because they were not funny but because they were and they opened up a tiny window in my soul that allowed real emotion to escape. The stuff that is so dangerous to my survival that it is never given freedom to surpass my strength and determination.
"Allah made me funny" joke about going into an airport and being spotted by security who descend upon them because of the Muhammad and Islam connection.They laugh at the Irony of racism amd being of any particular race or religion.The point being at the end of they day they are just people like everyone else regardless of anything.
I'm not Muslim and I'm not coloured so why would that reduce me to tears ?

Because I was racially abused and no one helped me. Dyfed Powys police failed me as did The Judiciary,Plaid Cymru...the list goes on.

When still in England I worked in High Wycombe in an office where often I was the only potential outsider but the reality is that I wasn't an outsider.
Mustaq Ahmed,Asif Khaliq,two Amers,Robina,Sara,Saleem Iqbal,Khalid,Aqil Akram,Gold if I don't name you please don't think I don't think of you as a friend because you are and I am.
When I went home at night I found it difficult to cross back over into "my life" which was partly my fault because I should have opted for a credible alternative. Because we were involved in double glazing often the abuse was aimed at our chosen career instead of race but we laughed at it all, there being comrardery and safety in numbers. My lucky numbers still are today 786 which was our confirmation code for the office.I loved everyone of these people I spent so much time with because there was trust,honesty and a loyalty that Ive never found since.I could ask anything about them and they me. It was a wonderful place to be and I miss everyone of them still.

I moved to Wales as a positive move full of good intentions hating no one. What happened then is very well documented but still the emotion in me is overwhelming because as is common in race and hate its a silent crime. First you are shocked and then you feel guilty because it must be your fault for doing something to attract it.
Then you become as quiet and as small as possible holding your breath like a small child in a dark cupboard hoping a grown up will save you. we are all taught to respect authority and those higher up. Thats what keeps us victims because we wait for that essence of goodness to save us but it never comes.You wait for the "good bus" to come along because after all if you are a good person you have bought your ticket but then you realise that its not coming because the race bus overtook it and left you behind and you are unwelcome. Then you start to crumble because every value you hold is crushed not because you are in any way lacking because it makes no difference in that respect.Its because someone doesnt like you. They can commit crime and no one cares, they can even start to get support if they know the right people. Eventually they can rob you blind.
There are no scars to put on public display although there are plenty inside that take on thier own entity and pull you back down with self doubt and the agony of knowing you are totally alone along way from home.

One day you feel angry and you have the strength to get up but it takes a very long time and never will your life be the same. A racist has taken your life and you have become an inconvenience to those that should have protected you.
What life is left I really dont know because I havent got there yet but what I do know is that those that let it happen will be marked with the truth of my words forever. That is my commitment I give to anybody else who can identify with the horror that is race and hate crime.

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